Récit à faire

[Fiona766]

Voici un devoir que j'ai à rendre: celui ci consiste à écrire une petite histoire grâce à des images données et différents documents pour aider à la rédaction. Pourriez-vous corriger les erreurs de syntaxe et/ou d'orthographe? Merci d'avance, Léonie.

Le texte est dans un caractère spécial car il faut le rendre dans ce type de caractère:

The day is 13th july, my 30th birthday and probably my last.

  I tell you the story of my life how destroyed my. In my past, I

did horrible things that I regret but but I’m convinced that it

was not me. Some people are beliveing that I’m crazy. Maybe ?

You decide.

  When I was a child, I lived in a old castle with my parents.

 This castle has been obscured and dismal. I didn’t like him.

As soon as I did much naughtiness, my parents

locked my up in a small dark room. They even made

planks on the window for that I didn’t look outside.

I was cold and afraid because the shade of the

planks on the gigantic wall  shaped the profil

of strange and misterious man. I wept and for to

comfort me, I talked myself also I told me small

stories.

Then, I  decided to remove the planks but the share

of the strange man were always here and  she were more

terrifying. For forget this man, every evening, I gazed

at the moon. More I looked him, more my head became

heavy and a little voice came out in my body.

At the beginnig, she reassured me but she started to

say me to kill my parents. She told that if I didn’t do

that, the share is staying in this room and she is

following me. She hassled me every day.

 

My spirit is never being free if I didn’t do that,

 

then, one night,I remember to be wake me up at

 

midnight and go towards my parents’s bedroom one

 

knife in my hand. I have gently opened the door and

 

I have slowly bought me a bit closer of their bed. I

 

have taken my knife and I have sinked him in their

 

head one by one. For hide their body, I have cut them

 

in small pieces and I have buryed them in my

 

neighbour’s garden.

 

After that, I didn’t feel me guilty and that who was

realy strange it’s that I have liked kill my parents and

I have felt a sort of power in me. I didn’t recognize me.

It was like if an ather me spashed up. I even say that

this person it is a devil because she have only brought me

some evil.

When I walked in my garden and that I seen a little

insect, I took perverse pleasure in press him.By the

bye, the little voice said me that it was very good.

I didn’t know if I alawys had a bit of common sens and

pleasue on me. I knelt me in front of the evil.

More the days passed, more I became bad . The voice

hunted me but the man’s share dissepeared. Even if she

didn’t is here, I alawys felt her presence. She was

somewhere, near me. I became more and more crazy.

One day, while I was in my garden, the voice said me to do

an horrible thing that I didn’t dare write. At this moment

I was shure to have killed the only good part of me. Yes, I

kill him !

 

 

Several years passed and I became totaly crazy and angry

when I didn’t kill enought from person. Kill, it was like a

drug for me: more I killed people more I was happy.

I liked to sacre the childs. My look terrifyed them. Their were

defenceless and anxious in front of me like me in front of the

evil. I felt on me something from unusual.

All of my hatred that I kept, I went out him. I established the

terror everywhere where I went, I felt that people were fear-

filled .

I was realy obsessed by the kids. I did endure them how I

lived. In the drizzle, when one only child walked in a

shadowy street, I entertained at scare him with my share

 how have looked like the stange man’s share in my room.

 The little voice- how became more tall- congratulated me.

Then I tightly took him, the child  screaned but he  was

 helpless therefore I began to laugh. After that, I brought

him in my cellar where I cut him some small  pieces  like my

parents and I buryed them in the garden of my neighbour.

 Ah ! that amused a lot.

With  all of this diseppearances, the police have finished by

 find the pieces of my victimes and stoped me.

Now, I’m in a psychatric hospital for serve my sentence.

The little voice recome from time to time. I have needed write

this for realize the mistake how I do. I am even saying that I

do a deadly mistake because she is costing me my life. I feel

my body in decay and I know that I am dieing.

Do I deserve the life ?

 

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Texte corrigé.docxAller chercher des informations…

[Fiona766]

Oops! J'ai envoyé l'ébauche..ça n'empêche pas que je pense en français. Comment s'en défaire? je ne sais faire autrement.

Ce n'est pas le traducteur, c'était le squelette de mon histoire, entièrement désolée. Je note toujours des mots sans pluriel ni temps, tout comme lorsqu'on écoute un audio et vous avez réceptionné cela.

Je vous remercie pour tout,

I'm so sorry,

Léonie.

ça n'empêche que je pense en français! pardon faute ci-dessus

[Jean B]

"Faute avouée est à demi pardonnée", selon le dicton.  ?

Je sais trop bien que penser en anglais est difficile puisque nous sommes francophones mais il faut absolument que tu fasses l'effort d'en être consciente toutes les fois que tu dois écrire en anglais.

Au moins dans un premier temps, compose des phrases simples : sujet + verbe + compléments.

Les complications/complexifications viendront plus tard, en temps et en heure.

Comme pour le sport, c'est en s'entraînant régulièrement qu'on progresse.