Oral presentation

[Lebe-dein-leben]

Bonjour à tous, 

Je dois bientôt présenter un oral sur un séjour que j'ai effectué cet été aux Etats-Unis .J'aurai en effet besoin d'aide pour m'aider à corriger les dernières erreurs avant ma présentation orale. L'ensemble n'a pas l'air cohérent et fluide mais c'est parce que je n'ai pas mis toute ma présentation complète ni les grands titres et sous-titres des différentes parties. La présentation est longue et j'ai donc uniquement mis ici quelques extraits sur lesquels je doutais le plus, qui possèdent pour moi sûrement beaucoup de maladresses. 

Je vous remercie par avance

 

Offering an immense variety of landscape between the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast, the United States is a dominant and impressive country, first military power on the planet and leading economic power during a long time (now surpassed by China). Megacities like New York, Chicago in the North East or Los Angeles in the West coast have accompanied this development that took off, 150 years ago, with the Conquest of the West. European until the early XXth century, emigration to the United States became universal. African-American, Hispanic or Asian reflect the attractiveness of the American Dream. No other country is such a ‘melting-pot’ as America.

Americans are a young and very diverse population, thanks to the intense immigration of the last 2 centuries. A study in 2000 revealed that the ancestors of the American population was composed of 15% of German immigrants (making it the largest ethnic group) and 11% of Irish immigrants. In recent years, Latin Americans became the largest ethnic group in front of African Americans.

Specialist of cultural tours, the tour operator that I chose offers to thirsty vacationers the discovery of enchanting journeys in North America and Latin America. The circuit «Western Trails» that I have chosen is a route of 12 days and 10 nights with a lot of discoveries and hiking. A complete tour of the South-West, which allowed me to discover not only the main National Parks, but also the beautiful Pacific coast between San Francisco and Los Angeles, as well as the Canyonlands and natural wonders that are delightful. We were 40 participants in a bus with an American driver who lives in Flagstaff and an American guide who has been living in Los Angeles for 20 years. Almost every night we changed hotel and city.

My parents dropped me off at Paris airport and I took my flight to Los Angeles. After more than 12 hours of flight, I arrived in Los Angeles, and I was greeted by our guide holding a sign "Amerigo", the name of our tour operator. I found the group with all the other participants and we took the bus to our first hotel in Los Angeles in California during the evening. Los Angeles means "the angels" in Spanish and its inhabitants are called Angelenos (sometimes Angelinos) - the Angelins. Its full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Ángeles del Río Porciúncula" , that is to say "the town of Our Lady the Queen of Angels of Porciuncula River", name given by the Indians.

The second day, we took the road early with our American bus driver who accompanied us throughout the stay. We were off for a panoramic tour of Los Angeles. We discovered the seaside areas such as:

-Venice Beach, whose main attraction is the Ocean Front Walk. This walk of about 1.5 km long is very lively with jugglers, musicians, skaters and sometimes American stars, indeed there was Bruce Willis in front of me, shooting a movie scene.

-Santa Monica, one of the nicest coastal cities of Los Angeles with its pedestrian area, its quaint shopping district.

-Hollywood, the symbol of the realm of cinema and of the American dream, where any stranger can, overnight, become an international star, that is the main idea of the American Dream. In less than 10 years, many Hollywood studios have joined, which became the capital of the film industry. We could see and touch imprints of hands and feet of the biggest stars like Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson, or even Arnold Schwarzenegger. Nearby, as I walked on the sidewalk, I also appreciated the Walk of Fame made of more than 2000 stars, each of which is dedicated to an artist.

We had many bus hours to reach the end of our journey. There were TVs in the bus and to spend time, the guide talked about the story of the U.S.A. or sometimes he made us watch very interesting films. One of them was about the Western myth and I would like to present it to you: [...]

Departure from the city of angels, crossing the Mojave Desert by bus. Along the way, we visited Calico Ghost Town. Founded in 1881 with the influx of silver prospectors, before the gold rush, the city had more than 1200 inhabitants, 22 saloons and 500 silver mines. Ten years later, the price of silver collapsed and the city was emptied of its inhabitants to become a true ghost town in 1907. 

Then we stopped at the real Bagdad Café in Newberry Springs, where I met the owner Andrea Pruett who gave me her business card. Route 66 joined Chicago (Illinois) to Santa Monica (California), between the years 1926 and 1985. It was for a long time the only road in the center of the west, that's why villages and shops were built around it. But the enlargement of the road was too expensive so a new road was built next to the Route 66, the A40. People are now taking this new road and have abondoned the old road. All of the shops and restaurants around the Route 66 gradually closed. Several associations were created, wishing to restore the entire route 66. Our guide informed us that this road was first created by herds of bisons who migrated to Chicago in the summer for its large lakes and to the New Mexico in the winter because there was too much snow in the north. Bisons passed through the Great Plains, the Great Rockies. Then the Indians arrived, they followed the bisons when they migrated to see where they were going. When the pioneers arrived, they asked the Indians to guide them in the discovery of the West. So the Indians showed them "the way of the buffalo," which later became "pioneers of the road" and finally  Route 66 ". Bagdad Café is a vestige of the famous Route 66 and the filming location of the movie of the same name. A song is also called Route 66. We listened to it in the bus:. [...] 

We set off to the Grand Canyon via Seligman, a small town where time seems to have stopped in the 50s and where we discovered the famous Route 66. 

Then we took the bus for several hours again, towards the Grand Canyon in Arizona State. In the afternoon, we visited the Grand Canyon National Park, classified by UNESCO and one of the most spectacular geological phenomenons of the United States. The Colorado River caused the digging of the Grand Canyon. It's an indescribable view: one of the great natural wonders of the world. 

Before arriving at the Grand Canyon, we had a long bus trip so we watched an interesting movie related to our destination that I would like to speak about: [...] 

Departure to visit Monument Valley, the famous site run by the Navajos, location of many westerns films. We discovered amazing rock formations of a reddish brown that emerge from the desert extent and alternate with sand dunes and natural arches. The Monument Valley is a wonderful and mystical landscape, scenery so striking it has been used as the background for countless movies and TV commercials. With its ocher rocky peaks that contrast with the blue sky. This landscape was involved in building the image of the Wild West. 

Then we went to Lake Powell. It owes its existence to "Glen Canyon Dam", there where we stoped, part of the "Colorado River Storage Project" which supplies cities throughout Western U.S. electricity. The dam, which retains the Colorado River, aims to establish a water reservoir to control flooding and generate hydroelectric power. Colorado is one of the Southwest River in the United States. He was born in the State of Colorado and flows through the states of Colorado, Utah and Arizona. The Colorado is part of the Western myth. At the option of a multitude of small winding roads, stand the highest peaks of the Rocky Mountains, small urban style old Wild West and an improbable series of ghost cities, born of the Gold or Silver Rush. The region, long remained on the sidelines of the conquest of the West, has really taken off thanks to it, in the second half of the 19th century. In the southwest United States, Colorado relive the Wild West in the heart of wild America. In the Rocky Mountain national forest, through the rivers Rio Grande or Colorado, each site is an invitation to discovery.

Days 6 and 7 were very interesting for my personal enrichment but the places we visited were not directly related to the theme I wish to discuss, the myth of the west:

Departure to Bryce Canyon National Park. Called "rocks that look like men" by the Indians, this place offers majestic magical landscapes with pinnacles and towers carved by natural forces of erosion.

Las Vegas is about 270 miles northeast of Los Angeles. In the middle of a desert plain arise totally crazy buildings, clad in neon lights. Las Vegas, known as Sin City, is the city of all excesses: millions of hotel rooms in the buildings of the wacky architecture, hundreds of casinos ... we go to play, marry or even divorce! Las Vegas is a city to see at least once in their life. 

Departure for the visit of Death Valley. It holds its name from an incident that occurred during the Gold Rush in California in 1849. A small shipment of gold seekers attempting a shortcut to California was lost in the valley. Before finding a way out, some group members perished from the intense heat and lack of water. This extremely hot and sinister land is strangely beautiful. 

Bakersfield is named after a settler: Colonel Baker, who had the responsibility to form a village, following the discovery of oil and gold in the area in the 1850s.

Then we visited the famous Sequoia National Park. One of the most beautiful parks in California, Sequoia, is located along the western side of the Sierra Nevada. It offers a flora and fauna of a prodigious variety in a redwood forest giants. 

Bathed in a cosmopolitan atmosphere, its history and its traditions make it one of the most picturesque cities in the United States. 

The gold rush in California is a period of about eight years which began in January 1848 following the discovery of gold at Sutter's Mill, in the present state of California. The news spread quickly and drew in California over 300,000 adventurers, U.S. and foreign. These pioneers, referred to as "forty-niners" came by boat or by land, across the continent, at the cost of often difficult journey. Although most of these newcomers were Americans, the Gold Rush also attracted tens of thousands of immigrants from Latin America, Europe, Australia and Asia. While some made fortunes, others returned home with little more than what they had initially.

I had a tour of the city in which I was able to visit including Chinatown, Union Square (the tourist center of town with its luxury shops and prestigious hotels), and the famous Golden Gate Bridge, one of the most famous bridges in the world, built in 1937 after a reconstruction frenzy caused by an earthquake (The Big One in 1906).

The gold rush changed profoundly California. So small hamlet consisting of tents, San Francisco developed under the pressure of population growth; roads, churches, schools and other buildings were constructed. A system of law and government were created, government leading to the admission of California as a state American in 1850. New modes were developed: the steamboat, which becomes a regular means of transport, and railways. Agriculture, future major pan of California's economy began to grow throughout the state.

Free time in the city and transfer to the airport for our flight to France.

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Offering an immense variety of landscapes between the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast, the United States is a dominant and impressive country, the first military power on the planet and leading economic power during a long time (now surpassed by China). Megacities like New York, Chicago in the North East or Los Angeles in on the West coast have accompanied this development that took off 150 years ago with the Conquest of the West. European until the early XXth century, emigration to the United States became universal. African-American, Hispanic or Asian reflect the attractiveness of the American Dream. No other country is such a ‘melting-pot’ as America.

Americans are a young and very diverse population thanks to the intense immigration of the last 2 centuries. A study in 2000 revealed that the ancestors of the American population was were composed of 15% of German immigrants (making it the largest ethnic group) and 11% of Irish immigrants. In recent years, Latin Americans became have become the largest ethnic group in front of African Americans.

Specialist of cultural tours, the tour operator that I chose offers to thirsty vacationers the discovery of enchanting journeys in North America and Latin America. The circuit «Western Trails» that I have chosen is a route of 12 days and 10 nights with a lot of discoveries and hiking. A complete tour of the South-West, which allowed me to discover not only the main National Parks, but also the beautiful Pacific coast between San Francisco and Los Angeles, as well as the Canyonlands and natural wonders that are delightful. We were 40 participants in a bus with an American driver who lives in Flagstaff and an American guide who has been living in Los Angeles for 20 years. Almost every night we changed hotel and city.

My parents dropped me off at Paris airport and I took my flight flew to Los Angeles. After a more than 12 hour-long flight, I arrived in Los Angeles and (I) was greeted by our guide holding a sign "Amerigo", the name of our tour operator. I found the group with all the other participants and we took boarded the coach/bus to our first hotel in Los Angeles, in California during the evening. Los Angeles means "the angels" in Spanish and its inhabitants are called Angelenos (sometimes Angelinos) - the Angelins. Its full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Ángeles del Río Porciúncula" , that is to say "the town of Our Lady the Queen of Angels of Porciuncula River", name given by the Indians.

The second day, we took the road set off early with our American bus driver who accompanied us throughout the stay. We were off for a panoramic tour of Los Angeles. We discovered the seaside areas such as:

-Venice Beach whose main attraction is the Ocean Front Walk. This walk of about 1.5 km long is very lively with jugglers, musicians, skaters and sometimes American stars, indeed there was Bruce Willis in front of me, shooting a movie scene.

-Santa Monica, one of the nicest coastal cities of Los Angeles with its pedestrian area, its quaint shopping district.

-Hollywood, the symbol of the realm of cinema and of the American dream, where any stranger can overnight become an international star overnight, that is the main idea of the American Dream. In less than 10 years, many Hollywood studios have joined were merged, which so that it (Hollywood) became the capital of the film industry. We could see and touch imprints of hands and feet of the biggest stars like Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson, or even Arnold Schwarzenegger. Nearby, as I walked on the sidewalk, I also appreciated the Walk of Fame made of more than 2000 stars, each of which is dedicated to an artist.

We had many bus hours to reach the end of our journey. There were TVs in the bus and to spend time, the guide talked about the story of the U.S.A. or sometimes he made us watch very interesting films. One of them was about the Western myth and I would like to present it to you: [...]

Departure from the city of angels, crossing the Mojave Desert by bus. Along the way, we visited Calico Ghost Town. Founded in 1881 with the influx of silver prospectors, before the gold rush, the city had more than 1200 inhabitants, 22 saloons and 500 silver mines. Ten years later, the price of silver collapsed and the city was emptied of its inhabitants to become a true ghost town in 1907. 

Then we stopped at the real Bagdad Café in Newberry Springs, where I met the owner Andrea Pruett who gave me her business card. Route 66 joined Chicago (Illinois) to Santa Monica (California), between the years 1926 and 1985. It was for a long time the only road in the center of the west, that's why villages and shops were built around it. But the enlargement of the road was too expensive so a new road was built next to the Route 66, the A40. People are now taking follow/take this new road and have abondoned the old road one. All of the shops and restaurants around the Route 66 gradually closed. Several associations were created, wishing to restore the entire route 66. Our guide informed us that this road was first created by herds of bisons who migrated to Chicago in the summer for its large lakes and to the New Mexico in the winter because there was too much snow in the north. Bisons passed through the Great Plains, the Great Rockies. Then the Indians arrived, they followed the bisons when they migrated to see where they were going. When the pioneers arrived, they asked the Indians to guide them in the discovery of the West. So the Indians showed them "the way of the buffalo," which later became "pioneers of the road" and finally  Route 66 ". Bagdad Café is a vestige of the famous Route 66 and the filming location of the movie of the same name. A song is also called Route 66. We listened to it in the bus:. [...] 

We set off to the Grand Canyon via Seligman, a small town where time seems to have stopped in the 50s and where we discovered the famous Route 66. 

Then we took the bus for several hours again, towards the Grand Canyon in Arizona State. In the afternoon, we visited the Grand Canyon National Park, classified by UNESCO and one of the most spectacular geological phenomenons of in the United States. The Colorado River caused the digging of the Grand Canyon. It's an indescribable view: one of the great natural wonders of the world. 

Before arriving at the Grand Canyon, we had a long bus trip so we watched an interesting movie related to our destination that I would like to speak about: [...] 

Departure to visit Monument Valley, the famous site run by the Navajos, location of many westerns films. We discovered amazing rock formations of a reddish brown that emerge from the desert extent and alternate with sand dunes and natural arches. The Monument Valley is a wonderful and mystical landscape, scenery so striking it has been used as the background for countless movies and TV commercials. With its ocher rocky peaks that contrast with the blue sky. This landscape was involved in building the image of the Wild West. 

Then we went to Lake Powell. It owes its existence to "Glen Canyon Dam", there the place/that's where we stopped, part of the "Colorado River Storage Project" which supplies cities throughout Western U.S. electricity. The dam, which retains the Colorado River, aims to establish a water reservoir to control flooding and generate hydroelectric power. The Colorado is one of the Southwest rivers in the United States. He was born It has its source in the State of Colorado and flows through the states of Colorado, Utah and Arizona. The Colorado is part of the Western myth. At the option of << ???  a multitude of small winding roads, stand the highest peaks of the Rocky Mountains, small urban style old Wild West and an improbable series of ghost cities, born of from the Gold or Silver Rush. The region, long remained on the sidelines of the conquest of the West, has really taken off thanks to it, in the second half of the 19th century. In the southwest United States, the Colorado relive revives/puts new life in the Wild West in the heart of wild America. In the Rocky Mountain national forest, through the rivers Rio Grande or Colorado, each site is an invitation to discovery.

La suite plus tard...

[Lebe-dein-leben]

Il y a 2 heures, Lebe-dein-leben a dit :

 

Bonsoir, 

Merci beaucoup pour cette réponse rapide et très complète. Pour "at the option of" je voulais dire "au gré d'une multitude de..." mais je ne trouvais pas d'expression pour le dire en anglais. J'ai conscience d'avoir demandé une aide sur un très long texte, merci d'avoir pris le temps nécessaire pour la correction de cette première grande partie qui fut très utile 

Bonne soirée 

[Jean B]

"Pour "at the option of" je voulais dire "au gré d'une multitude de..." mais je ne trouvais pas d'expression pour le dire en anglais."

Pourquoi ne pas écrire simplement : Among a multitude of small winding roads...

Tu as tendance à t'emberlificoter les pinceaux dans des formulations tarabiscotées !  Que je sache, la simplicité n'est pas un défaut.

[Lebe-dein-leben]

C'est vrai, dans la précipitation de l'écriture je ne pense pas aux structures toutes simples ^^ merci!  

[Jean B]

Days 6 and 7 were very interesting for my personal enrichment but the places we visited were not directly related to the theme I wish to discuss, the myth of the west:

Departure to Bryce Canyon National Park. Called "rocks that look like men" by the Indians, this place offers majestic magical landscapes with pinnacles and towers carved by natural forces of erosion.

Las Vegas is about 270 miles northeast of Los Angeles. In the middle of a desert plain arise totally crazy buildings arise, clad in neon lights.< contrairement au français, l'inversion est rare à la forme affirmative. Tu en trouveras au moins une autre, non annotée, dans la première partie. Las Vegas, known as Sin City, is the city of all excesses: millions of hotel rooms in the buildings of the a wacky architecture, hundreds of casinos ... we people go there to play, marry or even divorce! < l'emploi de "we" t'inclut dans le nombre, or je ne pense pas que tu sois dans l'une ou l'autre des 3 situations évoquées ! Las Vegas is a city to see at least once in their a life. 

Departure for the visit of Death Valley. It holds its name from an incident that occurred during the Gold Rush in California in 1849. A small shipment of gold seekers attempting a shortcut to California was lost in the valley. Before finding a way out, some group members perished from the intense heat and lack of water. This extremely hot and sinister land is strangely beautiful. 

Bakersfield is named after a settler: Colonel Baker, who had the responsibility to form a village, following the discovery of oil and gold in the area in the 1850s.

Then we visited the famous Sequoia National Park. One of the most beautiful parks in California, Sequoia, is located along the western side of the Sierra Nevada. It offers a flora and fauna of a prodigious variety in a redwood forest giants. 

Bathed in a cosmopolitan atmosphere, its history and its traditions make it one of the most picturesque cities in the United States. 

The gold rush in California is a period of about eight years which began in January 1848 following the discovery of gold at Sutter's Mill, in the present state of California. The news spread quickly and drew in California over 300,000 adventurers, U.S. and foreign. These pioneers, referred to as "forty-niners" came by boat or by land, across the continent, at the cost of often difficult journeys. Although most of these newcomers were Americans, the Gold Rush also attracted tens of thousands of immigrants from Latin America, Europe, Australia and Asia. While some made fortunes, others returned home with little more than what they had initially.

I had a tour of the city in which I was able to visit including Chinatown, Union Square (the tourist center of town center/downtown with its luxury shops and prestigious hotels), and the famous Golden Gate Bridge, one of the most famous bridges in the world, built in 1937 after a reconstruction frenzy caused by an earthquake (The Big One in 1906).

The gold rush profoundly/deeply changed profoundly California ou bien The gold rush changed California profoundly/deeply. < l'adverbe de manière peut se placer avant le verbe ou après le complément selon le style de la phrase, selon son rythme So From a small hamlet consisting of tents, San Francisco developed into a big city under the pressure of population growth; roads, churches, schools and other buildings were constructed. A system of law and a government were created, government leading to the admission of California as an state American state in 1850.< l'adjectif avant le nom; où avais-tu la tête ? Relis-toi, toujours. New means/ways/modes of transport were developed: the such as steamboats and railroads/railways which becomes a regular means of transport, and railways greatly contributed to the development of the West. < ne perds jamais de vue que ton récit se fait au passé = prétérit Agriculture, future major breadbasket (pan) <??? of California's economy began to thrive/grow throughout the state.

Free time in the city and transfer to the airport for our flight to France.

Good job!

[Lebe-dein-leben]

Merci beaucoup pour toutes ces corrections et annotations toujours utiles. Il y a des points que je ne savais pas et d'autres qui, c'est vrai, étaient des erreurs d'inattention de ma part. Merci d'avoir pris le temps de lire tout, c'était long j'imagine mais cela m'a beaucoup aidé et je vais pouvoir présenter un travail correct