Verification Description Publicité

[celnesse]

Bonjour !

J'ai dû créer une publicité . J'ai décidé de réaliser une campagne de sensibilisation contre le port de la fourrure. Cependant, je doisavoir terminé la description de cette affiche poyr samedi . Pouvez-vous vérifier la 2ème partie de mon travail ?

Merci :

Besides,in the middle of the ad,we can note the visuals which give us the feeling to enter a new world,dark and bad,enter the Hell .In the background,we can notice an enormous fox face looking at us,the audience,with a pained look and big sad,distressful and suffering eyes,to make us realize that this animal is not only a coat but also a living,with feelings and which (or "who" ??) like us can suffer.

VMoreover,white pearls are used to represent his pupils and make this picture of a fox,alive,as if he was just next to the audience,watching them and remind us of him too,live . The presence of white surrounded by dark (or in a dark scenery ???) make us hoping .Hoping that one day men will stop and become aware of the crime that they commit just to satisfy their pleasure .

Since the left eye of the animal is red,we can note his pain,sorrow and death throes but also his powerlessness to be able to defend himself because of his weakness,fragility and innocence and prompt anger which makes his eyes blaze,and indignation .

Besides,the dominant colors are red,black and white . They are contrasted colors which distinguish the different parts of this drawing .Indeed,he embodies flowlessness,innocence as shows it a part of his face,which is covered in white coat,made of real feathers,to make this picture more near us,like the whitr pupil of his eyes.However,the fox has a bit of his fur torn and shows his skin,flesh and his blood what prove cruelty and madness of men of which (or whose ??) undergo .animals.

[celnesse]

S'il-vous-plait ?

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Tu postes ta première demande à 15h30 et, t'étonnant de ne pas avoir de réponse immédiate, tu relances 15 minutes plus tard ! Faut oser le faire et tu l'as fait, bravo !

Pour ta gouverne, sache que les bénévoles qui animent ce forum ne sont pas des robots mais de simples mortels qui, pour la plupart, ont une activité professionnelle et une vie de famille et ne passent donc pas tout leur temps les yeux rivés sur l'écran de leur ordinateur.

Ceci étant dit, voyons un peu de quoi tu es capable :

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J'ai dû créer une publicité . J'ai décidé de réaliser une campagne de sensibilisation contre le port de la fourrure. Cependant, je doisavoir terminé la description de cette affiche poyr samedi . Pouvez-vous vérifier la 2ème partie de mon travail ?

Merci :

Besides, in the middle of the ad, we can note the visuals which give us the feeling to that we are entering a new, dark and bad world, dark and bad,enter the like Hell.< Les adjectifs se placent DEVANT le nom In the background, we can notice an enormous fox's face muzzle/head looking at us, the audience, with a pained look and sorrowful, big, sad, distressful and suffering eyes. Nouvelle phrase> That is to make us realize that this animal is not only a coat but also a living being with feelings and which (or "who" ??) like us can suffer like we do.-Pas plus en anglais qu'en français, on n'écrit "au kilomètre" ! Il faut marquer des pauses, ne serait-ce que pour reprendre haleine. Et attention à revoir ta ponctuation.

-Tout cela sent la "traduction", le calque du français qu'il faut t'efforcer d'éviter à tout prix.

Moreover, white pearls are used to represent his pupils and make turn this picture of a fox,alive into a living fox, as if he was just next to the audience, watching them and reminding us of him he's alive too ,live.<Efforce-toi de trouver le(s) mot(s) juste(s). Sers-toi d'un bon dictionnaire. The presence of white surrounded by dark (or in a dark scenery ???) /on a dark background make us hoping hope. Hoping Let's hope that one day men will stop killing animals for their furs and become aware of the crime (that) they commit just to satisfy their pleasure.

Since the left eye of the animal is red, we can note his pain, sorrow and that he's in his death throes. Nouvelle phrase> But we can also notice his powerlessness to be able he is powerless to defend himself because of his weakness, fragility and innocence and that prompts anger which makes his eyes blaze ,and indignation indignantly.<Il faut absolument que tu ne perdes jamais de vue que tu écris en anglais, pas en français.

Besides, the dominant colors are red, black and white. They are contrasted contrasting colors which distinguish the different parts of this drawing. Indeed, he embodies flowlessness perfection, innocence as shows it a part of his face muzzle/head shows it; which it is covered in with a white coat made of real feathers to make this picture more near closer to us, like the white pupil of his eyes. However the fox has a part/ bit of his the fox's fur is torn and shows his skin, flesh and his blood, what which proves men's cruelty and madness of men of which (or whose ??) undergo to animals.-Tu sembles ignorer l'emploi du génitif, souvent bien commode pourtant.

- Placé après la virgule, le relatif which résume la proposition précédente = ce qui

- Faute de voir le support, ton analyse semble fort détaillée et pertinente mais elle est entachée de trop d'erreurs dont je t'ai commenté les principales.

- Sans doute par empathie, tu as choisi de personnaliser ton renard en utilisant les pronoms he/his/himself. Ce n'est pas faux mais un(e) puriste pourrait te le reprocher. S'agissant d'un animal "anonyme", on attend les pronoms it/its/itself. Au besoin, rectifie-les.

-Ton principal défaut à l'écrit, c'est de faire des phrases "à rallonge" où les mots charnières ne sont pas toujours judicieusement choisis. Efforce-toi de simplifier ton expression en composant des phrases plus succinctes.

- Dernier point, la ponctuation : la virgule et le point final se placent SANS ESPACE derrière le dernier mot, tout comme en français; l'espace se place APRÈS. J'ai rectifié partout mais mémorise-le et applique-le dorénavant.

Bonne continuation.

[Ezehkiel Jones]

Hello' !

If I may, I think there's a slight grammar mistake right there: "he is powerless to defend himself"; seems weird. I'd suggest instead: "it's impossible for him to defend himself..." or "He's unable to defend himself." It sounds more proper.

Another mistake remains in the same sentence: "that prompts anger". At the very least, it could be an informal structure but it's incorrect, basically. I'd say then: "that gives rise to anger" or even rather "that arouses anger".

Kindest regards,

PS: These mistakes may not be mistakes in the UK. Dunno.

[Jean B]

Thanks for correcting the corrections!

[Ezehkiel Jones]

You're welcome

[devas29]

Hello Ezehkiel,

you have intrigued me!

as we can find some sentences like these:

Scotland will be powerless to defend itself (a title from the Telegraph)

Iraq’s government appears powerless to defend against ISIS advance

As a child, she had felt powerless to defend herself against his anger

Murder of a teen in Surrey continues to prompt anger, outrage, and calls for change

they all sound good collocations to me.

[Ezehkiel Jones]

Hello devas !

I think there's a difference between "to be powerless to" and "to feel powerless to". The second structure is better despite its awkwardness.

In short, "powerless+to" may be okay but informal.

As for "to prompt anger", that's not even informal, but a grammar mistake. I might even say that's not the suitable vocabulary.

It's probably a common mistake, which makes the thing orally acceptable.

Once more, I'm talking on the american purists' behalf

C'est peut-être correct au UK !

[devas29]

Once more, I'm talking on the american purists' behalf

[Ezehkiel Jones]

but I asked a British and an American about those sentences and both agreed that they were all perfectly correct!

[devas29]

Hi,

- I get your point and and most certainly to arouse anger comes naturally to mind first, yet to prompt is also a synonym of to provoke:

The discovery of the bomb prompted an increase in security.

His speech prompted an angry outburst from a man in the crowd.

from the Oxford Advanced Dictionary

Cambridge park and ride charge queues prompt anger (the BBC)

- For sure to prompt sounds more "technical" and maybe doesn't apply in all contexts especially in a novel or in narrative texts as a whole.

Other possible collocations with the verb prompt:

prompt verb

Prompt is used with these nouns as the object: allegation , criticism , discussion , move , outcry , reappraisal , reflection , resignation , response , retaliation , search , speculation , wave

© Oxford University Press, 2009