Expression Écrite

[mimi4521]

Bonsoir, j'ai un dm d'anglais et je voudrais s'îl vous plaît si vous pouviez me corriger mes fautes et critiquer mes idées Merci

Question:

Pembe writes in her diary about her special Relationship with Elias

Dear Diary,

Today I went to the cinema to saw THE KID a very good film. I like this kind of movie, it's very moving.

I felt me only beacause this handicap take away people, I haven't got friends with I can share my secret, my day; but my family are here and they supported me , I was very happy with them.

But today It were a particular day, I went to see Elias; he is a good friend, no more that he is my Boy friend. With him I felt serene happy, he saw me as if a normal girl.

He were a very intelligent, patient, joyful men.

I was wondering by this men, I felt free, light.

I can stay with him during long hours to saw him, he had beautyful blue eyes like the ocean.

He took care full about me if I was a rare pearl. He was a very thoughtful men.

It's time to dinner, mum calls me

See you soon dear diary

Texte:

Document B Togetherthey focused on the film. PembewatchedThe Kidwith wide-open eyes, the look of surprise on her countenance deepening with each scene. When Chaplin found an abandoned baby in a rubbish bin, and raised him like his own son, she smiled with appreciation. When the child flung stones at the 5neighbours’ windows so that the tramp–disguised as a glazier–could fix them and earn some money, she chuckled. When social services took the boy away, her eyes welled up with tears. And, finally, as father and son were reunited, her face lit up with contentment, and a trace of something that Elias took to be melancholy. So absorbed did she seem in the film that he felt a twinge of resentment. What a funny thing it was to be jealous of Charlie Chaplin. 10 Eliasobserved her as she unpinned her hair, and then pinned it back. He caught a whiff of jasmine and rose, a heady, charming mixture. Only minutes before the film came to an end, he found the nerve to reach out for her fingers, feeling like a teenager on his first date. To his relief, she didn’t move her hand away. They sat still–two sculptures carved out of the dark, both scared of making a move that would disrupt the tenderness of the moment. 15 Whenthe lights came back on, it took them a few seconds to grow accustomed to real life. Quickly, he took out a notepad and wrote down the name of another cinema in another part of the town. “Next week, same day, same time, will you come?” “Yes”,she faltered. Beforehe’d found a chance to say anything else, Pembe leaped to her feet and headed towards 20the exit, running away from him and everything that had taken place between them, or would have taken place, had they been different people. She held in her palm the name of the place they were to meet next time, grasping it tightly, as if it were the key to a magic world, a key she would use right now were it in her power to decide. Andso it began. They started to meet every Friday at the same time, and occasionally on other 25afternoons. They frequented the Phoenix more than any other place, but they also met at several other cinemas, all far-away from their home, all unpopular.[. . .]In time he found out more things about her, pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that he would complete only long after she had gone. [...] Slowlyhe was beginning to make sense of the situation. This unfathomable, almost enigmatic attraction that he felt for her, a woman so alien to the life he had led, was like a childhood 30memory coming back. Elif Shafak,Honour, 2012

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Dear Diary,

Today I went to the cinema to saw THE KID watch "The Kid", a very good film.

- infinitif après to, c'est de la grammaire élémentaire.

- watch = regarder qqch volontairement ==> see = voir parce qu'on possède 2 yeux qui fonctionnent, c'est machinal.

- mis à part les sigles, rien ne s'écrit totalement en majuscules, même pas en allemand si c'est ta LV1.

I like this kind of movie, it's very moving.

I felt me only beacause this handicap take away people. C'est à peu près incompréhensible. Qu'as-tu voulu dire ?

- to feel = se sentir (bien ou mal)

- seul(e)/solitaire = alone

- to take away = enlever/retirer

- -S final au présent simple d'un verbe dont le sujet est au singulier.

I haven't got friends with whom I can share my secret, my day; - whom = qui, fonction complément

but my family are here and they supported me, I was am very happy with them.- Il faut être logique et ne pas mélanger les temps verbaux dans la même phrase + qualités permanentes = présent.

But today It were was a particular day. - Pas de double sujet en anglais et accord du verbe en nombre avec son sujet, c-à-d ici sujet singulier = verbe singulier. Qu'as-tu donc appris au collège ?

I went to see Elias; he is a good friend, no more that he is my Boy friend. C'est du charabia. Suggestion : yet/but he is not my boyfriend = pourtant/mais ce n'est pas mon petit ami.

With him I felt feel serene, happy, he saw sees/looks upon/regards me as if a normal girl.

He were is a very intelligent, patient, joyful men man.-Ses qualités sont permanentes = présent.(bis !)

- 1 man ==> 10 men Ne peux-tu faire l'effort de mémoriser ça au moins ?

I was wondering by this men, <??? I felt free, light. Ça n'a pas de sens !

I can stay with him during long hours to saw see (infinitif après to) him, he had has beautyful beautiful blue eyes like the ocean.(Il a toujours ses yeux, non ? = présent.

He took takes good care full about of me as if I were a rare pearl. He was is a very thoughtful men man.

- to take good care of sb = bien s'occuper de qqn

- were est ici un prétérit modal pour rendre un fait irréel/non accompli.

It's time to dinner, mum calls is calling me. Quand tu dis ça, l'appel est en cours = présent avec be -ing

See you soon dear diary

Tu as d'énormes lacunes et tu as tout intérêt à les combler au plus vite. En fin de seconde il sera déjà trop tard.

[mimi4521]

Dear Diary,

Today I went to the cinema to watch "The Kid", a very good film.

I like this kind of movie, it's very moving.

I felt me alone because this handicap take away ( éloigne) people. Qu'as-tu voulu dire ?Je me sens seul car cette handicap éloigne les gens.

I haven't got friends with whom ( Quand doit ton utiliser ) I can share my secret, my day;

but my family are here and they support me, I am very happy with them.

But today was a particular day.

I went to see Elias, he is a good friend.Maybe in the futur he can be my boy friend, I'm impatient to be his girl friend. It's my first meeting( rendez-vous) with him, I am very stress and incided( excitée).

With him I feel serene, happy, he regards me as a normal girl.

He is a very intelligent, patient, joyful man.

I was wondering amazed by this man ( Je suis émerveillée par cet homme)

I can stay with him during long hours to see him, he has beautiful blue eyes like the ocean

He takes good care of me as if I were a rare pearl. He is a very thoughtful man.

It's time to dinner, mum is calling me.

See you soon dear diary

Merci de votre aide, je prend en compte vos remarques et pourriez vous m'expliquer quand et comment on utilise was and were. Et purriez vous aussi me dire si mon texte et assez bien.vThink you very much

[Jean B]

Dear Diary,

Today I went to the cinema to watch "The Kid", a very good film.

I like this kind of movie, it's very moving.

I felt me feel alone because this handicap takes people away from me ( éloigne). Qu'as-tu voulu dire ? Je me sens seule car cette ce handicap éloigne les gens de moi.

- comme la plupart des verbes anglais, feel/felt/felt est à la fois simple et pronominal. I feel happy = Je me sens heureux. Tu piges ?

I haven't got friends with whom ( Quand doit-on l'utiliser ?) J'ai déjà répondu à cette question. I can share my secret, my day;

but my family are here and they support me, I am very happy with them.

But today was a particular day.

I went to see Elias, he is a good friend. Maybe in the future he can be my boyfriend, I'm impatient/I can't wait to be his girlfriend. It's my first meeting date ( rendez-vous) with him, I am very stressed and incided excited ( excitée).

With him I feel serene, happy, he regards me as a normal girl.

He is a very intelligent, patient, joyful man.

I was am wondering amazed by this man ( Je suis émerveillée par cet homme)

I can stay with him during long hours to see him, he has beautiful blue eyes like the ocean

He takes good care of me as if I were a rare pearl. He is a very thoughtful man.

It's time to dinner, mum is calling me.

See you soon dear diary

pourriez vous m'expliquer quand et comment on utilise was and were

was est le prétérit singulier de be et were son prétérit pluriel, c'est aussi simple que ça.

Dans un récit, tu diras donc : I/He/She was ill yesterday. J'ai/Il a/Elle a/ été malade hier. We/You/They were still on holiday ten days ago. Nous étions/Vous étiez/Ils étaient encore en vacances il y a dix jours.

Révise les bases de la grammaire, il y a urgence !

[mimi4521]

D'accord. Merci beaucoup.