Correction projet bénévolat

[Lebe-dein-leben]

Sujet séparé et nouveau titre.

À l'avenir, merci de créer un nouveau sujet et de ne surtout pas s'immiscer dans un fil existant.

Merci de votre compréhension.

JRB, modérateur

Bonjour à tous ! Je m'excuse de m'incruster ici mais j'ai besoin d'aide.

Voici un texte que j'avais à rédiger (à propos de projet de bénévolat).

Si quelqu'un pouvait me corriger les (nombreuses) fautes de grammaire, lexique, syntaxe... que j'ai dû faire :/ ce serait vraiment très aimable à vous !

Rappel : la condition s'exprime à l'indicatif, jamais au conditionnel.

After my studies, why not take a year-off ? I would like break out of my rut and travel abroad to discover the world, immerse myself in another culture. I intend to head me for South Africa with the goal to do volunteering within in a poor and underdeveloped community. In my opinion, there is much to do and it would be really a challenge for me. So I want to help them and to try hard to change their lives for the better.

In searching , I found the site BUNAC Working Adventures Worldwide. This organisation helps needy and underpriviledged countries. First of all I'd like to tell that UNICEF estimates that there are well over 1,000 orphans in Ghana, many of whom have been orphaned by AIDS . That's why I choose this project , I will look after children in a Ghanaian orphanage and work alongside local people. I would like to offer them emotional and educational support, help to feed and dress younger children. Helping at school and assisting with homework. To me it's really something to do, this could change my whole way of seeing things. Moreover, it will also improve my own experience to the work world , to bring me a lot for my personal development and to increase my skills . Futhermore , it also has the advantage of looking good and make the difference on my resume, this may help me to find a job.

To my mind, experience of teaching or working with children would be an advantage to me. Indeed this gap year provides an opportunity for me to figure out what I like to do or what I don't want to do and what career could be really interesting to me. I hope to gain maturity, become more responsible, definitely more tolerant and open-minded of other communities in sharing their everyday lives. Indeed , I have to learn to live without complaining me about the lack of comfort or the differences between my own country and theirs. I am convinced that this overseas experience may to help me grow up, in coping without my parents. Moreover, I hope improve my skills and get practical experience. In addition, I think that this sabbatical year may enable me to get more maturity and be able to live and travel in an independant way, totally self-reliant. And on my return, I will be more motivated and ready to face the challenges in my future and in the world of work.

Before I go, I will have to make many preparations. Already, the date of my going will be written large in my timetable. I'm impatient and I will pack my bags many days before leaving to be sure not to forget anything.And before traveling to Ghana, I would try to work a little for my English to be able to make myself understood properly in Africa and most of all, I will benefit of my last moments in France with my friends and family. On the other hand , I would take pictures of them with me in Africa if I feel so alone sometimes .

My budget is about 1500 £ for three month but I anticipate 150 £ per month in addition to cover my daily needs and have pocket money. It's expensive and financially difficult for me because after the university, I will not work . Thereby I am saving money, my parents will can help me and I will make flea markets and garage sales to raise money.

En vous remerciant d'avance de me consacrer un peu de votre temps !

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

After completing / finishing my studies, why not take a year-off ? I would like to break out of my daily routine <à moins que tu ne sois en rut ? and travel abroad to discover the world, immerse myself in another culture. I intend to head me for South Africa with the goal to do volunteering voluntary work / to volunteer within in for a poor and underdeveloped community. ...//...

In searching Surfing the net, I found the site BUNAC Working Adventures Worldwide. This organisation helps needy and underpriviledged countries. First of all I'd like to tell that UNICEF estimates considers that there are well over 1,000 orphans in Ghana, many of whom have been orphaned by AIDS . ...//... Moreover, it will also improve my own experience to of the world of work, to bring me a lot for my personal development and to increase my skills. <improve, bring et increase sans to puisqu'ils suivent le modal will. Futhermore, it also has the advantage of looking good and make the difference on my résumé, this may help me (to) find a job.

...//.... Indeed this gap year would provide me with an opportunity to figure out what I like to do or what I don't want to do and what career could be really interesting to me. <tant que ce n'est pas fait, on reste dans l'irréel, l'inaccompli = conditionnel. I hope to gain maturity, become more responsible, definitely more tolerant and open-minded of towards / to / with other communities in sharing their everyday lives. Indeed, I would have to learn to live without complaining me about the lack of comfort or the differences between my own country and theirs. I am convinced that this overseas experience may to help me grow up, in coping without my parents.<un modal est toujours suivi d'une base verbale. Moreover, I hope to improve my skills and get practical experience. In addition, I think that this sabbatical year may enable me to get more maturity and be able to live and travel in an independent way, totally self-reliant. ....//....

Before I go, I will have to make many a lot of preparation. Already, the date of my going will be written in large figures on my timetable. I'm impatient and I will pack my bags many days before leaving to be sure not to forget anything. And before traveling to Ghana, I would try to work a little for my English to be able to make myself understood properly in Africa and most of all, I will benefit make the most of the last few moments I spend in France with my friends and family. <ce ne seront pas tes derniers instants ici bas. On the other hand, I would take pictures of them with me in to Africa if I feel so alone sometimes.

My budget is about 1500 £ for three months but I anticipate 150 £ per month in addition to cover my daily needs and have pocket money. It's expensive and financially difficult for me because after studying at the university, I will not work. Thereby I am saving money, my parents will can help me and I will make go to flea markets and garage sales to raise money.<aïe, aïe aïe !, can est un défectif, il n'a pas d'infinitif !

NB Aussi bien en anglais qu'en français, la virgule et le point se collent sans espace derrière le mot. L'espace se met après. J'ai rectifié mais c'est à mémoriser.

Bonne chance.

[Lebe-dein-leben]

Très bien, je vous remercie vous votre aide ! Rapide en plus, accompagnée de corrections expliquées et de conseils que je vais retenir, thanks!

Et bien pour l'expression "break out of one's rut ", c'est une expression que mon prof d'anglais a utilisé en cours alors bon je ne sais pas trop ^^

Je vais maintenant le retravailler car je dois ensuite le réciter à l'oral. Encore merci à vous

[Jean B]

Si tu en as l'occasion, tu pourras dire de ma part à ton prof que, sauf complète erreur de ma part, ce mot est argotique. C'est pourquoi je déconseille son emploi dans un contexte scolaire ou universitaire.

Définition et exemple trouvés sur le net :

"[rut : An uncomfortable situation or place, of which there is no easy way out.

I hate this job, but I just can't find another one. I'm stuck in a rut.]"

Après mûre réflexion, je reste persuadé que « sortir de la routine » est mieux adapté à ton contexte.

Qu’en penses-tu ?