Aide à La Correction D'une Rédaction

[mylene64]

Bonjour à tous les correcteurs,

J'ai rédigé une lettre de motivation en anglais. Pourriez vous m'aider à corriger mes erreurs? Votre aide me serait certainement très précieuse! MERCI BEAUCOUP par avance!!!

Voici la lettre :

Dear Mister X,

I wish to apply for the placement on offer in your laboratory. I would like to join your team to acquire additional experience in the field of physiopathology and more precisely in the study of atherosclerosis mechanisms. This post could also enable me to improve my english.

As the enclosed resume indicates, I am currently studying for a master's degree in biology at X University where I graduated in june 2008. Through my early academic education, I have had opportunities to work in a public french laboratory which does research on the X disease development. My previous work experience has given me more self-confidence for long experiments and has enabled me to learn some scientific procedures such as cellular culture, biochemical methods like electrophoresis or chromatography and molecular biology procedures like cloning.

I feel my previous experience is quite relevant to the job on offer as I have noticed that your team uses most of the procedures previously quoted. My placement has also allowed the development of my sense of responsability, self reliance and perseverance.

Furthermore, I have recently realized a dossier about atherosclerosis, a subject which interests me greatly. So, I tried to understand how atherosclerosis develops and can lead to cardiovascular diseases. In order to do that, I learnt scientific publications about the different stages of atherosclerosis (the formation of the atheromatous plaque, stenosis, thrombosis) and the numerous risk factors that lead to this disease. I saw that the oxiding of Low Density Lipoproteins plays a key role in the atheromatous plaque formation so I would be very interested in well understand this process if you allow me to join your team. I think my intellectual curiosity and my eagerness to extend my knowledge are qualities that may be suitable to the job in your laboratory. All things considered, I feel my qualifications are in line with your needs.

[Jean B]

Bonsoir,

Voici ce que j'ai remarqué :

Dear Mister X, <=OK si tu as déjà été en rapport avec ce monsieur, sinon=> Dear Sir,

I wish to apply for the placement on offer in your laboratory. I would like to join your team to acquire additional experience in the field of physiopathology and more precisely in the study of atherosclerosis mechanisms. This post could also enable me to improve my English.

As the enclosed résumé indicates, I am currently studying for a Master's degree in biology at theUniversity of X where I graduated in June 2008. Through my early academic education, I have had opportunities to work in a public French laboratory which does research on the X disease development. My previous work experience has given me more self-confidence for long experiments and has enabled me to learn some scientific procedures such as cellular culture, biochemical methods like electrophoresis or chromatography and molecular biology procedures like cloning.

I feel my previous experience is quite relevant to the job on offer as I have noticed that your team uses most of the procedures previously quoted. My placement has also allowed the development of my sense of responsibility, self reliance and perseverance.

Furthermore, I have recently <realized> carried out a <dossier> project about atherosclerosis, a subject which interests me greatly. So, I tried to understand how atherosclerosis develops and can lead to cardiovascular diseases. In order to do that, I learnt scientific publications about the different stages of atherosclerosis (the formation of the atheromatous plaque, stenosis, thrombosis) and the numerous risk factors that lead to this disease. I saw that the oxidizing of Low Density Lipoproteins plays a key role in the atheromatous plaque formation so I would be very interested in well understanding this process if you allow me to join your team. I think my intellectual curiosity and my eagerness to extend my knowledge are qualities that may be suitable to the job in your laboratory. All things considered, I feel my qualifications are in line with your needs.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully, <=Si premier contact, sinon=> Yours sincerely,

signature suivie en dessous du nom complet en clair

- Majuscule à tous les noms de langues vivantes, adjectifs et noms de nationalités.

- Attention à « realize » qui peut être un faux ami. Son sens premier est « se rendre compte de qqch ».

Bonne chance.

[mylene64]

MERCI BEAUCOUP JRB pour toute cette aide!!!

[Jean B]

C'est avec plaisir.