Correction

[BoomCha]

Hello E-Bahut !

Je suis en classe de première et ma prof nous a demandé de tenir une sorte de journal où l'on écrit sur des sujets de notre choix (l'actualité, ce que l'on a fait pendant le week-end, les films que l'ont a bien aimé...).

Après avoir parlé de mes vacances en Irlande et du film Into The Wild, je me lance sur le bouquin d'Ernest Hemingway : Le vieil homme et la mer et j'aurais besoin d'une personne pour me corriger :

3. A Book : The Old Man and The Sea

''There isn't any symbolism. The sea is the sea. The old man is an old man. The boy is a boy and the fish is a fish. The sharks are all sharks no better and no worse. All the symbolism that people say is shit. What goes beyond is what you see beyond when you know.''

Ernest Hemingway, 1952

The Old Man and the Sea has been interpreted from various angles. It has been seen as a Christian allegory, a Nietzschean parable of overcoming, a Freudian dream of Oedipal wish-fulfillment, and a Humanistic saga of triumph in the face of absurdity.

However in my humble opinion it could be read as :

ONE MAN. ONE FISH.

A THREE-DAY BATTLE.

WHO WILL WIN?

Following is a short summary of the novel.

An Old Man...a boy...a boat...the sea...a big fish...a sleepy fishing village, Nothing else.

It is the story of a struggle of epic proportions between Santiago and a giant Marlin in the Gulf Stream. Santiago, despite being an old, seasoned fisherman has returned empty ended for 84 days from the sea. He has no friends with the exception of a young boy named Manolin, who has been forced to leave the old man in order to fish in a more prosperous boat by his parents. The boy though continues to care for the old man upon his return each night. He helps the old man in every possible way and tries his best to bolster his spirits. The old man inspired by the pep talk of his young friend sets out one morning alone, determined that he would change his luck for good and prove to the fishermen community that he is not finished. What follows is quite extraordinary and the old man meets his greatest challenge he has ever faced - a three and a half-day battle with the marlin, sharks, the sea, and with himself.

"The Old Man and The Sea" is both a vision of a simple happiness, an ode to courage and determination, but also a window open on the life of Hemingway.

A vision of happiness emerges in the words of Hemingway when he speaks fondly of this man, free and independent, with a really simple life, almost without possession, and who is simply happy, content with his lot. Nothing in the world could make him happier than to sail on the waters aboard his ship, single and free.

An ode to the courage also because, without complaint, without giving up, the old man injured, tired, worn, continues to go on the sea, and to measure himself to the giant fish, the marlin, the swordfish .. because it was his job, his life.

It is also a window open on the life of Hemingway, as he has always looking for the life he dreamed of throughout the world without really finding it. And this novel depicts the ideal of Hemingway, the boundless freedom he has long pursued. We find in Santiago the man he has become, but we discern a part of Hemingway in Manolin too, the child who learns fishing alondside a man he considers a bit like his father, the same way as the father of Hemingway sent him a love and taste for fishing.

This is an inescapable and unforgettable work, a fresco depicting the "odyséenne" (odysean ??) life of the men of the sea, but also the life of a man: the author himself.

Perhaps it is the best story that Hemingway has ever written, "le style à la fois épuré et minimaliste donne à toute l'oeuvre une simplicité très personnelle. Si bien que chaque mot touche juste, et pas un mot n'est de trop" (??). One hundred pages of happiness and courage, one hundred pages of pain and poverty, one hundred pages to summarize the life, the death, the old age.

(j'ai l'impression que mon texte a perdu en qualité après avoir été traduit, surtout la deuxième partie ) .

Merci d'avance !

[yveslouis]

"j'ai l'impression que mon texte a perdu en qualité après avoir été traduit..."

C'est pourquoi on ne cesse de répéter qu'il ne faut pas passer par le français pour traduire ensuite en anglais.

Cela dit, je trouve la qualité de ton texte excellente.

(I'd say :

Odysseyan ;

the style, both purified and minimalist, gives the whole book a very personal simplicity. So that each word hits its target and none is superfluous. ;

to summarize <the> life, <the> death<, the> AND old age.)

[BoomCha]

  anglais a dit :

"j'ai l'impression que mon texte a perdu en qualité après avoir été traduit..."

C'est pourquoi on ne cesse de répéter qu'il ne faut pas passer par le français pour traduire ensuite en anglais.

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

Qu'il me soit permis d'ajouter mon grain de sel sur quelques petits détails :

- An ode to (0) courage also because, without complaining, ...

- It is also a window open on the life of Hemingway who had always been looking for the kind of life he dreamed of throughout the world without really finding it.

- ...alongside a man...

... the same way as the father of Hemingway passed a love and taste for fishing on to him.

Par ailleurs, je suis entièrement d'accord sur l'excellente qualité de ton anglais.

Bravo !

PS Si tu lis bien tout en bas, tu verras que mon éminent collègue a corrigé quelques fautes.

Pour justifier mon intervention, j'en ai ajouté quelques autres.

[BoomCha]

Bonjour le monsieur qui m'a apprit quelque chose la dernière fois !

Merci d'avoir corriger mes fautes ! (j'ai honte, j'avais pas mis "the" devant ode au début du deuxième paragraphe et j'ai fais la faute après ).

(oui, votre collègue a rajouté un "and", merci anglais ).

[Jean B]

  BoomCha a dit :

Bonjour le monsieur qui m'a appris quelque chose la dernière fois !

Merci d'avoir corrigé mes fautes ! (j'ai honte, j'avais pas mis "the" devant ode au début du deuxième paragraphe et j'ai fait la faute après ). <Et en français, tu les fais avant ?

(oui, votre collègue a rajouté un "and", merci anglais ).

[BoomCha]

  JRB a dit :

Pas seulement.

Tout ce qu'il met entre <--> est à supprimer.

Depuis quand mets-tu 'the' devant un nom abstrait pris dans la généralité ?

Allons-nous être obligés de réviser notre opinion ?

[Jean B]

  BoomCha a dit :

Vous pouvez réviser votre opinion, ça ne changera rien à mon anglais .

(bon, je m'en vais corriger ça.. )

[BoomCha]

  JRB a dit :

I enjoy teasing you!

[BoomCha]

  Citation

Nothing in the world could make him happier

[Jean B]

  BoomCha a dit :

It doesn't make me smile

[Jean B]

  BoomCha a dit :

"Nothing in the world could make him happier".

N'y a-t-il pas un s à "make" ? => Surtout pas. Un modal est toujours suivi d'une BV/(infinitif sans to). A copier 100 fois pour mieux le mémoriser.

[BoomCha]

La honte again

Bon en fait on texte il me plait pas, je sais pas si je vais le donner..

Sinon j'ai un écrit à faire pour demain sur "Would you be ready to take a gap year after high school or after college ? Explain your answer.

Mais est-ce correct de commencer par "yes" ou "no" ?

(parce que j'avais fais ça en français et je me suis fais lynchée..)

Ou alors peut-être que je devrais commencer par " I think a gap year is ........ that's why I would/wouldn't be ready to take one ?

[BoomCha]

  BoomCha a dit :

Bon en fait mon texte il me plait pas, je sais pas si je vais le donner..

[Jean B]

As-tu remarqué le bouton "EDITER" au bas des messages ? Sans doute pas.

En cliquant dessus, tu reviens dans ton message et tu peux donc le modifier, le corriger sans avoir besoin d'en créer un nouveau.

Capiche?

Pour en venir à ta question, tu as tout à fait raison de vouloir commencer ton essay par autre chose que "Yes" ou "No".

See you.

[BoomCha]

  JRB a dit :

As-tu remarqué le bouton "EDITER" au bas des messages ? Sans doute pas.

En cliquant dessus, tu reviens dans ton message et tu peux donc le modifier, le corriger sans avoir besoin d'en créer un nouveau.

Capiche?

Pour en venir à ta question, tu as tout à fait raison de vouloir commencer ton essay par autre chose que "Yes" ou "No".

See you.

[Jean B]

Si tel est la cas, alors c'est que je suis doué de double vue sans le savoir ou bien, plus probablement, que je suis privilégié par le webmaster.

Quelle qu'en soit la raison, voici les boutons que je vois de droite à gauche sous chaque message :

EFFACER EDITER CITER REPONDRE

Puis trois lignes plus bas et plus à droite de la page :

FLASH REPONDRE NOUVEAU

C'est-y pas beau ça, M'dame ?

[BoomCha]

La même pour moi, sans EFFACER et EDITER..

Quelle injustice..

Mon texte (qui est sensé faire 60 mots, j'ai pas compté) :

I believe a Gap year can be the experience of a lifetime, that's why I would be ready to take a break after highschool.

I think (indeed ?) that the idea of putting off college for a year in favor of some much-needed downtime is a good compromise since I'll maybe be burn out and not quite ready to go to college in two years.

Moreover, I want to explore a few interests before deciding what to study in university and clarify my carrer options and goals.

A Gap year is for me long enough to grow emotionally and it will make me have a wider understanding of the outside world and the people in it. I will also have a better wisdom and experience to handle the upcoming challenges.

However, If I take a Gap year, I think I must keep in mind that I'm going to need a structured plan and make sure I'll be productive during my time off or I will most likely get sidetracked.

What am I going to do if I take a year off ?

Well, I think I would travel abroad to broaden my perspective of oher cultures, my views and my global awareness.

Maybe I'll make voluntary work since there are many lessons to be learned and skills to be honed throughout this time and it could make me gain a sense of maturity, and self confidence and think really independently.

Finnaly, perhaps I'll try to have some work experiences, so that, I will improve my job prospects with employers that are seeking grads with practical experience.. it could be a perfect time to bulk up my CV !

(je sais que c'est nul , j'ai un peu honte mais je l'ai fait vite)

[BoomCha]

* Finally,

* Other cultures

[BoomCha]

(triple poste )

Sans être indiscrète, vous êtes chômeur ?

[BoomCha]

C'était pas sensé vous faire partir mais bon.. tant pis.

[yveslouis]

  BoomCha a dit :

La même pour moi, sans EFFACER et EDITER..

Quelle injustice..

Mon texte (qui est sensé faire 60 mots, j'ai pas compté) :

I believe a Gap year can be the experience of a lifetime, that's why I would be ready to take a break after highschool.

I think (indeed ?) that the idea of putting off college for a year in favor of some much-needed downtime is a good compromise since I'll maybe be burn out and not quite ready to go to college in two years.

Moreover, I want to explore a few interests before deciding what to study in university and clarify my carrer options and goals.

A Gap year is for me long enough to grow emotionally and it will make me have a wider understanding of the outside world and the people in it. I will also have a better wisdom and experience to handle the upcoming challenges.

However, If I take a Gap year, I think I must keep in mind that I'm going to need a structured plan and make sure I'll be productive during my time off or I will most likely get sidetracked.

What am I going to do if I take a year off ?

Well, I think I would travel abroad to broaden my perspective of oher cultures, my views and my global awareness.

Maybe I'll make voluntary work since there are many lessons to be learned and skills to be honed throughout this time and it could make me gain a sense of maturity, and self confidence and think really independently.

Finnaly, perhaps I'll try to have some work experiences, so that, I will improve my job prospects with employers that are seeking grads with practical experience.. it could be a perfect time to bulk up my CV !

(je sais que c'est nul , j'ai un peu honte mais je l'ai fait vite)

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

I believe a gap<(pas de majuscule, ce n'est pas la ville des Hautes-Alpes ) year can be the experience of a lifetime. That's why I would be ready to take a break after leaving highschool.

I do think<(forme d'insistance) that the idea of putting off college for a year in favor of some much-needed downtime is a good compromise since I'll maybe be burn out ???!!!<(qu'as-tu voulu dire ?) and not quite ready to go to college in two years.

Moreover, I want to explore a few avenues before deciding what to study at university and make my career options and goals clearer.

A gap year is for me long enough to emotionally grow and it will make me have a wider understanding of the outside world and the people in it. I will also have a better wisdom and experience to handle the upcoming challenges.

However, If I take a gap year, I think I must keep in mind that I'm going to need a structured plan and make sure I'll be productive during my time off or I will most likely get sidetracked.

What am I going to do if I take a year off?

Well, I think I would travel abroad to broaden my perspective of other cultures, my views and my global awareness.

Maybe I'll make voluntary work since there are many lessons to be learned and skills to be honed throughout this time and it could make me gain a sense of maturity and self confidence and think really independently.

Finally, perhaps I'll try to have some work experiences, so that I can improve my job prospects with employers that are seeking grads with practical experience. It could be a perfect time to bulk up my CV !

- Non, tu ne m'as pas "fait fuir" hier soir. Il se trouve que je suis un couche-tôt et que le petit écran me fatigue les yeux.

- Non, je ne suis pas chômeur mais retraité, tout simplement.

See you.

PS Admire la précision "chirurgicale" dont fait preuve anglais.

Allez, à tes ciseaux ou ton bistouri !

[BoomCha]

Hello anglais and JRB ! (and thanks a lot again !!!)

Chômeur, proffesseur ou retraité.. entre-nous.. ça change pas grand chose

(I enjoy teasing you ).

268 ? Holy shit !!

Trop tard pour le sécateur et la correction, j'ai rendu le texte à 10h ce matin.. en rajoutant 40 mots de plus ... Au BAC je serais un peu plus plus chirurgicale...

Et burn out ça veut dire que mon cerveau est crâmé

( http://www.doctissimo.fr/html/psychologie/...out_travail.htm )

[BoomCha]

un peu plus plus = un peu plus*plus = beaucoup plus