Vérification Rédaction Horror Story

[Allezlelosc_59]

Bonjour,

Je dois effectuer pour vendredi une rédaction ayant pour sujet : "Imagine a horror story. Use the following words : kill, nowhere, isolated, scary, terrified".

Je vous avoue que c'est un sujet plutôt limité étant donné qu'on doit y mettre des mots précis, en faisant 60-80 mots (j'ai légèrement dépassé). Mais je suis plutôt content du résultat, voila ce que ça donne, merci de dire ce qu'il faut corriger :

It was a Monday as the other. I went to school at 8 o'clock. Strangely, the sky was very dark. We couldn't see nothing because of the fog. When I arrived in the classroom, my schoolmates weren't there. The classroom was switched off, the atmosphere very scary. When I entered in the class, the door closed. I was terrified, isolated in my class ! Nowhere, why not, but not in my class !

"I need blood", said a voice behind me. The man was going to kill me. Not now ! I just could see a knife. Two seconds after, I was in my bed. I had just dreamt...

Merci beaucoup et bonne soirée

[Jean B]

Bonjour,

It was a Monday <as>1 like the others. I went to school at 8 o'clock. Strangely, the sky was very dark. We couldn't see <no>anything 2 because of the fog. When I arrived in the classroom, my schoolmates weren't there. The classroom light 3 was switched off, the atmosphere very scary. When I entered <in> 4 the <class> room,5 the door closed. I was terrified, isolated in my class ! Nowhere, why not, but not in my class !

"I need blood", said a voice behind me. The man was going to kill me. Not now! I <just> 6 could just see a knife. Two seconds after, I was in my bed. I had just dreamt...

* C'est bien amené.

1 as = statut like = ressemblance

2 not + no = 2 négations = affirmation ! Soit tu mets couldn't + anything, soit could + nothing.

3 C'est la lumière qui est éteinte, pas la classe.

4 enter est transitif direct et s'emploie donc sans préposition.

5 class = classe, le groupe de niveau ou le cours classroom = classe, la salle de cours

6 l'adverbe se place avant le verbe et après l'auxiliaire

[Allezlelosc_59]

Salut,

Vraiment un grand merci, non seulement pour les corrections mais également pour les explications, qui me permettent de mieux comprendre mes erreurs.

Encore merci et bonne soirée !

[Jean B]

Salut,

Vraiment un grand merci, non seulement pour les corrections mais également pour les explications, qui me permettent de mieux comprendre mes erreurs.

Encore merci et bonne soirée !