Suite Oral Bac

[Fiona766]

Bonjour Monsieur,

 

Nous avons déjà terminé le thème de Myths and heroes. Je vous tape mon travail. Je pense avoir mieux travaillé que le thème précédent. Comme nous sommes en avance nous aurons un texte à produire sur le même thème.

Je vous remercie d'avance pour votre correction. Stan.

 

So, I'm going to talk about the notion of Myths and Heroes.

An heroe can be defined by a person admired and recognized for his achievments, his qualities and his courage.

He is often fictionnal but in this notion, the heroes presented were only humans and gave us concrete example of courageous acts.

After studying many examples of heroes, we can now say that they are people who contribute make other's life better and to contribute to the developpement of a population.

To deal with this notion, I've chosen to answer a question which is : « How a human being can become an heroe in helping a society?»

 

On the one hand we'll see that defending his ideas and affirm his ideal, is a way to ensure the developpement of a society and, thus, to become an heroe. On the other hand, we'll study the examples wich demontrate us that an other way is possible : which is a financial help and a strong involvment inside the population's life.

 

First of all, it seems obvious that a political case, a political struggle can lead to the developpement of a civilisation. In fact, it's sometimes necessary to engage reforms and to denounce the political system in place. A political case like that has often a leader who embodys its ideas and who will act to impose his ideal in order to change the functionnement of a civilisation. If his contribution is extraordinary, he becomes, thus, an heroe.

 

For example, we have seen in South-Africa, that their modern-society had been shaped after a long period of civil wars, of a struggle, led by Mandela who denounced segregation and which claimed for equality.

To explain this idea, let me present you the video of Nelson Mandela's life story. If I have chosen it, it's because, it seems to me that it represents, clearly, the fact that, sometimes, a struggle is necessary in order to put in place some ideas essential for a population.

This document recounts us the life of Nelson Mandela, who fought during many years to achieve his goals : permit to his country to live in serenity , without conflicts and where the Rights and Blacks are situated at the same level.

We learn in this document that he spent all his life to fight segregation and injustice. We learn that he used all his energy to his fellow citizen's service and that he never gave up, even when he was jailed and when the government decided to forbid any opposition and to punish, like in Sharpeville. But, finally, this video shows us his success, by the instauration of a system where the rights and the blacks have the samed rights, and, also, when he became the first black president after the first democratics elections.

To my mind, this video enlightens us about the idea that an heroe, as Mandela, can be someone who fights, and impose his ideal, in order to improve a society, to change it fundamentally and, thus, to make his fellow citizen's life better.

 

However, an other way to be an heroe, when helping a population, can be just a financiel help and an involvment in the population's life.

Indeed, a financial help can contribute to developp a country for example in permitting it to possess more infrastructures and, thus, to make it progress and to make advance the population.

It's, for example, what we have seen during this notion with the example of Oprah Winfrey who has helped an South-Africa country and who were involved in its developpement in order to make it progress.

First, Oprah Winfrey, helped South-Africa, with a financial contribution which led to the oppening of a school for girls. It really permitted to give a chance to success to 150 students because, we have seen in a document from the BBC that the situation of girls was disastrous in South-Africa. In fact, we learned that over 25% of schoolgirls are positive to HIV, because of the « sugar daddies » which exploit them : they give to the girls all they want but they ask in exchange a sexual relation.

So, Oprah Winfrey, wanted to permit to some girls to escape from this phenomenon and to be well educated, in order to ensure their future. But, she not only gave monney to oppen this school. She is also involved in the education of the girls, and she has her house inside the school. In America, and her TV Show, she was one of the wealthiest people on the globe and she left all to devote to the eduaction of South-African girls and, thus, to contribute to the developp of South-Africa. In that sense we can say that Oprah Winfrey is an heroe.

 

To conclude, we've seen through this notion that there are two many ways to become an heroe when helping a population : impose his ideal in order to make advance his country and a financial contribution which permits the developpment of a civilisation. The examples of Nelson Mandela and Oprah Winfrey permitted us to illustrate these ideas and to know exactly what could be an heroe and what does he do.

 

[Jean B]

Bonsoir, Stan.

 

So, I'm going to talk about the notion of Myths and Heroes.

An heroe can be defined by as a person who is admired and recognized for his achievments, (his) qualities and (his) courage.<< a devant un mot commençant par un son-consonne <<-->> an devant un mot commençant par un son-voyelle ou un "h" muet, ce qui n'est pas le cas de heroe.

He is often fictional but in this notion, the heroes presented were I'm going to talk about are only humans and gave give us concrete example of courage/courageous deeds/acts.<< Si Ezehkiel Jones passe par là, il ne manquera pas de remarquer que tes formulations sont trop calquées sur le français et souvent trop alambiquées. Efforce-toi de dire les choses (plus) simplement.

After studying many examples of heroes, we can now say that they are people who contribute to making other people's lives better and to contribute to the development of a population. << ??? Allons bon, on comprend qu'ils servent d'étalons reproducteurs !   Qu'as-tu voulu dire ?

To deal with this notion, I've chosen to answer the question which is : « How can a human being can become an  heroe in by helping a society?»<< Faute grave sur la place de l'auxiliaire dans une interrogative, déjà signalée et corrigée précédemment. Où as-tu la tête ?

 

On the one hand we'll see that defending his ideas and affirming his ideal is a way to ensure the development of a society and thus to become an  heroe. << Cette phrase est pour le moins bizarre et gagnerait à être reformulée. On the other hand, we'll study the examples which demonstrate us that another way is possible which is a financial help and a strong involvement inside the population's life.

 

First of all, it seems obvious that a political case, a political struggle can lead to the developpement of a civilisation. In fact, it's sometimes necessary to engage reforms and to denounce the political system in place. A political case like that has often a leader who embodies its ideas and who will act to impose his ideal in order to change the functionnement of  the way a civilisation evolves. If his contribution is extraordinary, he thus becomes an heroe. <<Je ne suis pas sûr que ce qui précède soit en rapport avec le sujet.

 

For example, we have seen in South-Africa, that their the South-African modern-society had been shaped after a long period of civil wars, of a struggle, led by Mandela who denounced apartheid/segregation and which  claimed for equality.

To explain this idea, let me present you the video of Nelson Mandela's life story. If I have chosen it it's because, it seems to me I think that it clearly represents the fact that a struggle is sometimes necessary in order to put in place set up some essential  ideas essential   for a population.

This document recounts us the life of Nelson Mandela who fought during many years to achieve his goals : permit to enable his country to live in serenity without conflicts and in a country where the Rights and Whites and Blacks are situated at the same level. have the same rights. << Il faut absolument que tu perdes l'habitude de penser en français car tu en reproduis fidèlement tous les calques et ce n'est pas bon. Pense aussi que le jour de l'oral tu ne vas pas lire un texte bien écrit mais parler à partir de seules notes et ça fait une sacrée différence. D'ailleurs, j'ai du mal à comprendre que vous tou(te)s lycéen(ne)s vous donniez autant de mal pour écrire des textes pour un examen oral, c'est totalement antinomique. À mon humble avis, il serait plus judicieux de vous faire des fiches sur lesquelles seraient notés le plan détaillé, les mots clés, les idées forces, tous éléments à partir desquels la présentation orale serait bien plus naturelle. Mais ce n'est que mon avis...

In this document we learn that he spent all his life to fight segregation and injustice. We learn that he used all his energy to his fellow citizen's service and that he never gave up, even when he was jailed and when the government decided to forbid any opposition and to punish, like in Sharpeville. But finally this video shows us his success, by the instauration of a system where the rights and the blacks have the samed rights, and, also, when he became the first black president after the first democratics elections.

To my mind, this video enlightens us about on the idea that an  heroe as Mandela can be someone who fights and impose his ideal in order to improve a society, to change it fundamentally and thus to make his fellow citizens' lives better.

 

However, another way to be an heroe, when helping a population, can be just a financiel help and an involvment in the population's life.<< Dieu que c'est tarabiscoté !

Indeed, a financial help can contribute to developp a country for example in permitting by giving it the means to possess get better/more infrastructures and, thus, to make it progress and to make advance the population.

It's, for example, what we have seen during this notion with the example of This is the case with Oprah Winfrey who has helped an South-Africa country and who were was involved in its development in order to make it progress. << Sois plus simple !

First, Oprah Winfrey helped South-Africa with a financial contribution which led to the opening of a school for girls. It really permitted to give gave 150 students a chance to succeeed because we have seen saw in a document from the BBC that the situation of girls was disastrous in South-Africa. In fact we learned that over 25% of schoolgirls are positive to HIV because of the « sugar daddies » which   who exploit them : they give to the girls all they want but they ask a sexual relation in exchange.

So Oprah Winfrey wanted to permit to some girls to escape from this phenomenon and to be well educated in order to ensure their future. She not only gave money to open this school but was also involved in their education of the girls, and she has her house inside the school. In America and her TV Show she was << Elle est encore parmi nous, que je sache.  is one of the wealthiest people on the globe and she left all to devote herself to the education of South-African girls and thus (to) contribute to the develop of South-Africa. In that sense we can say that Oprah Winfrey is an  heroe.

 

To conclude, we've seen through this notion that there are two many ways to become an   heroe when helping a population : impose his ideal in order to make advance his country and a financial contribution which permits the developpment of a civilisation. The examples of Nelson Mandela and Oprah Winfrey permitted us to illustrate these ideas and to know exactly what could be an heroe and what does he do. << A reformuler.

[Ezehkiel Jones]

Hello' ! Effectivement, j'ai l'impression qu'il est difficile pour certains français ou apprentisseurs....(?)  de l'anglais de considérer cette langue comme un tout. Avec sa propre grammaire, syntaxe, ses propres expressions... D'où le fait qu'il faut absolument éviter de passer par le français pour arriver à l'anglais. Depuis que je suis inscrit ici, il m'arrive de lire des phrases horribles pour moi. J'ai l'impression parfois de lire du français tout en lisant de l'anglais. C'est assez difficile pour moi à expliquer, mais je pense qu'il y a une question de bonne volonté aussi. Il faut faire des efforts, et considérer l'anglais comme une LANGUE et pas un comme système de code dans le style de ceux où on remplace les lettres par des chiffres. (lettres étant le français et chiffres étant l'anglais).

 

Je sais pas si ce que je viens de dire est compréhensible, mais en tout cas, j'en suis convaincu ! 

 

Sinon ça, j'ai relevé quelques petites erreurs restantes, rien de grave, surtout qu'avec une correction de cette ampleur, il est normal d'oublier quelques fautes.

 

- "In this document we learn that he spent all his life fighting segregation and injustice."

- "someone who fights and imposes his ideal"

- "they ask  for a sexual relation in exchange."

 

Have a nice evening, 

 

 

PS: Alambiqué ? Tarabiscoté ? Je ne connaissais pas, c'est très joli !

[Fiona766]

Bonjour,

 

Sans cesse je pense en français! C'est vrai que l'idée de fiches me permettrait de prendre de meilleures automatismes. Je vais les faire Monsieur.

 

I'm very happy to know Mister Jones, nice to meet you!

 

Have a nice weekend,

Stan.

[Jean B]

Have a nice weekend too.